Sunday, May 29, 2011

place of happenings...



Not to brag or anything ;) , but a friend visited me and he brought a RoughRider's Guide to Vancouver and on its backcover was featured none other than my apartment building... aha... and then this beautiful sunny day in Vancouver as I looked out of my window, there was this guy snapping pictures of my apartment (no no, he is not creepy... it is just that my area is uber cool...)






Today was a sad day despite - a day that made me reflect and take a good look inside and end up deciding that we all play the cards we are dealt, that we are all good people, trying our best... to remain that way...

I am blessed and I am cursed... But like I have always thought, life is simple if you let it be... and my need to be in control of life and its events (or feel a sense of control, even falsely) needs to go and I need to learn to take life as it comes, one day at a time (I used to love that song when I was little and religious)... I have come a long way in that aspect, but there's still more to go...

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Japanese Toilets


I must say a word about Japanese toilets. So there are these 'local' stalls with squat toilets and 'western style toilets' side by side everywhere. But in reality, the western style toilets are not really western style, they are more like toilets out of Star Trek. This picture is actually from some years ago when I stopped at Narita on my way to China, but I wasn't blogging back then, so I give it to you here. I wrote then -

This from Narita airport in Japan - the music note sign reads "Press to play back flushing sound, to muffle toilet sound". Japanese people have to be the most polite people on earth...

Japan

Japan, the country of Totoro, the country of Princess Mononoke, the country that gave us The Departed and its soul haunting music, the country of Sakura flowers and many a romantic notions in my head - I think only the Native American/ First Nations people are held in more romance in my heart.

Taking the bus from the airport, to the tiny town of Tsukuba, the humidity, the paddy fields, reminded me very much of my grandparents' home in Negombo. It took us almost 2hrs by bus to go the 40km, and that is actually worse than Sri Lanka - so there goes my first stereotype of Japan - its lightning speed transportation.

Japanese food - what can I say - if I loved it before I adore it now. Udon, shabu-shabu, okonomiyaki, tankatsu (kaki fry), sashimi, miso-soup…. I had the good fortune of having two ceremonial Japanese meals - the best was with a friend, but of course my phone's battery had died on that day and I had told myself I am going out to eat with a friend, I am not being a Japanese tourist, so I am not taking my camera. "You have your eyes, you have your memory", my friend reminded me. And anyway I would not have been able to capture the extreme politeness blended into the ceremony. "In Japan", my friend said, "food is of two parts : the food itself and the presentation in the vessels".

This friend actually drove an hour to come and see me - and he is someone I met at a conference 2 years ago. I did not expect us to meet, but because he was on my Facebook and we communicate a bit through that, and eventually I would put stuff up there about Japan, I didn't want to have gone to Japan and not told him that I was there. So I wrote to him saying I am here for a very short time - he offered to take me out to dinner one of the days and of course I was more than happy - I was not feeling like I was in Japan too much what with all the non-Japanese of my experiment around me, so I thought this was a prefect opportunity. I am always surprised how I can sometimes talk so much with people that I seemingly don't know much - but it is not something that happens all the time -how does that saying go "you can not clap with one hand". At this point I must also say that this bad-American-tourist paranoia has been beaten into my head by my physicist friends who strive to be different, most of them can speak some Japanese and read a lot of katakana and hiragana and go into extreme lengths to not do offensive things. So I was carefully using my chopsticks and placing them properly on the chopstick rest, while my Japanese friend would just leave them in the bowl - the restaurant owners would later comment on this. I also learned how to say it is very good in Japanese and said this to the cooks. All this having impressed the cook, he stood at the door as we left, bowing to us, watching us as we drove away - how very sweet.

During dinner we talked about lots of things - physics obviously, the nuclear reactors in Japan, and also Japanese tradition, and women's role in their culture. When it was time to pay, we split the bill - it is what I expected, because it was expensive and we are both poor postdocs; but I didn't want to fight my way to it - it was my friend who suggested we split. But later my friend said, "this is a very traditional Japanese restaurant, they expected me to pay for you, because I am the man"… I would have gladly slipped my share under the table for him, and let him pretend that he was "the man"! I am not on a mission to bust Japanese traditions, and sometimes I actually can find them beautiful.

Also I met another friend from grad school who now works with KEK, who is also Japanese - this was quite accidental as I didn't know he was there now - but we just ran into each other at the canteen. He later sent me this lengthy e-mail about tourist spots in Japan and also said his wife would be happy to drive me around the next time I am there. Him and my other friend, make me think that Japanese people are very hospitable people, like Sri Lankan people.

On my way to Japan, I was told that Japanese people, just like to do what they are being told, without questioning: wearing face masks, unplugging every electric appliance, but the computer - "it is not important to ask why, it just is important to do it". Back in the dorm, I would notice this about the appliances and also about face masks.

Japan is also full of kitsch - cute cat/bear/any-other-animal cartoons adorn every single thing from restaurants to busses. Here I give you some baby kitsch. (And no, Totoro is so not kitsch!!!) But yes of course you can find non-kitsch - like the two classy restos we went to.





Our dorms were like any regular dorm, but even there, like many restos we went to, we had to take off our shoes, put them in a cubby and wear their inside slippers - again the ceremony.

I must mention something that happened at the airport on my way out. My Canadian/American colleagues were getting through the ticket counter at regular speed, but when it came to me, the ticketing agent took some time. She said she needed to check my reservation. "Do I not have a seat?" I asked knowing sometimes that airlines overbook, even though I had a seat assigned from the self check-in that I had done (I was just dropping off luggage here). "No no, you have a seat, everything is ok, I just need to check something" she said in a most polite way. "Is something wrong with my passport or visa?" I asked "no no everything is ok, I just need to check something", she said in the polite voice again, but this time it was annoying. She took a good 15 mins to call a whole bunch of people and then personally went and talked to someone else. I was reminded of what someone said during the week "Japanese people are very polite; they are not kind - there is a difference." I am always weary of those statements, but… Later as the 6 of us were walking towards security, two of us were stopped by bullet-proof vest wearing policemen and asked for papers - this time it wasn't me, but I instinctively stopped, only to be told by another in the group "nope don't stop, keep walking" - "don't make eye contact" he said jokingly (?). Later ha said "those two were stopped, just for not being Japanese". I had forgotten that I had heard stories of Japan being notoriously racist. It was by far the most hassle I had being through at an airport. People are all up in arms against racism in western countries, and they should be I say, it is not like they are perfect countries; but there are so many other countries, Sri Lanka being one, that shamelessly practice racism, and no one can even bat an eye about it.

Yet, it is not my strongest memory of Japan. Two crazy bureaucrats won't write my Japanese book - it would be unfair to the extremely hospitable Japanese friends of mine. The few only give me reason for caution when I am dealing with bureaucracy, but my friends define the place for me - just like the US, just like Québec.

As a photographer I have learned... that all people are not alike, but they do mostly have the same hopes and fears; that judging others does great harm but listening to them enriches; that it is impossible to hate a group of people once you get to know one of them as an individual.
- Annie Griffiths Belt


I vow to come back again...

PS. For the first time in my life, I had two almost-full same days - the wonders of a round earth and a dateline...

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Integrity




Months after I left, today, I really can not pin point why I lost interest in my previous experiment, but I think the beginning of the downward spiral began with this chain of events: this one person was doing something that I didn't think was scientifically correct, but it was what the boss wanted to see, so he embraced it without questioning. This of course infuriated me (to my credit, I also cross checked it) and I was a very vocal critique of this result ever being published - they backed off and this never got published. I had won the battle, but did I win the war?

Instead of being happy about it, (and I don't know if this has anything to do with being brought up poor or being brought up catholic), but I was consumed with guilt. I always asked myself, if I were a professor and had a postdoc challenging my baby, how would I have felt? And I also understand the pressure to publish - here was everyone in our field showing background rejection and hints of signal even, and there is no telling how accurate their own work is. So how does one keep their head above the water? Just jump in the cesspool/vicious circle, no? This one time this guy I dated told me how he bought his first car, a regular 4-door sedan, from money from a lucrative summer job he had, when he was 16, but when he brought it home, his dad immediately bought him an SUV saying that he didn't want his only son driving a tiny sedan when there were all those SUV's on the road that might squish him. It was one of those perplexing moments of life to me - on the one hand he was right, on the other hand it only adds to the problem. I guess that is what makes one a cool person - if you can defy the tide, and stick to your principles. But this is not easy when you have to, every once in two years, show your results to funding committees and what not. So on the one hand I understand the need to publish, even maybe the wrong result, but on the other hand if science doesn't have integrity I don't know what does.

So anyway, it would have maybe been different if my former boss had put up as fierce a fight as I did, but the way things turned out, my victory made me pensive - I told myself I will have to be a little bit more tamed, since I also see the other side. I told myself I am not going to get that involved in my next experiment. And then I joined this experiment, larger, by a factor of about 20, and I thought this kind of thing probably doesn't happen here too much - because there are more people to ask the moral questions (and also because I don't remember this happening in my PhD experiment; but now in retrospect, I think, as a grad student I was pretty shielded from these politics back then).

Alas, my first collaboration meeting would teach me otherwise. My boss and the Canadian contingent, viciously opposed a rushed publication and were met by 'but we have to be first', 'but if we don't, we won't get money'. I didn't have any strong feelings either way, since I was new. The people I work with lost their battle, the let's-race-to-publish people won and I watched them in exasperation. To this day I never told anyone in my current experiment the real reason I left my previous place - I wanted to tell the whole story many times, but I wasn't sure what purpose I would achieve by saying this. Because even though I won that battle, I didn't feel good at the end - I had a feeling that I was better lost to the experiment, and in fact I did leave - that is not a very inspiring success story to tell. To the credit of my former boss, I was told his recommendation letter for me carried hints of appreciation for my strong critique.

Today, it was heart breaking to see this one professor who I drew an exact parallel to myself in this sense, his shoulders all slouched and he would continue so for the next few days. He talked and joked excessively; I read some place how human beings use humor to cope with distress or grief - actually I myself do this when I am in extreme distress. And I remembered, back at the height of my own battle, many a night in Montréal, that I spent with friends and co-workers, sipping beer, discussing the hows, the pros and the cons of the good fight we fought and the outcome of our win - we always thought we fought to not sell our souls, but at the end, I am not sure our souls were not shattered. I hope this professor has good friends back home in Vancouver… and good beer!

And maybe… just maybe journalists don't have to sell their souls… but probably they do, just maybe not as much… ;)

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Being-a-good-tourist paranoia


Here's my office mate eating Japanese style risotto yesterday. You might ask why I went to an Italian resto in Japan, well that is just how it is... A couple older professors who were not too keen on exploring, decided we'll get Italian.

Usually when we walk into any Japanese building, including the dormitories, we have to put our shoes in a little cubby hole and wear the house slippers. This is also true for restaurants. We didn't have to do this in this place, so I remarked "we don't have to take off our shoes here?" to which one of the professors said "no, this is a civilized place"!!! Like one of my professors said in the past, 'don't ever argue with someone who says the earth is flat'.

And today then we went to a Sri Lankan resto - actually one of my bosses organized it. Now I understand people's desire to go to a resto with a local, but I would like to eat some Japanese while I am in Japan - is that really too much to ask for? It turned out to be a little less than mediocre a Sri Lankan restuarant...

At the resto the running joke of how my office mate can not ask me how to eat Sri Lankan food came up. This comes from an incident about a month ago at work.

Having brought SL food for lunch, my US office mate had a million questions about the proper etiquette to eat it. But the thing is, there are no million ways to eat Sri Lankan food. And sometimes you just do what makes most sense, what's easiest. And if I get asked too many trivial questions, I feel like there must be a way, but I just dn't know it. So now suddenly my office mate is making me second guess my knowledge of my own culture. So I invoked an embargo on the questions he could ask about how to eat SL food.

I love the Lonely Planet guide, but no one has to be stiffened with paranoia when traveling abroad. People will cut you a lot of slack, if you, for example, use your left hand to eat. On the other hand if you climbed up a Buddha statue, then you don't have to eat with your left hand to be called an ass...

You are not offended that they come to your country and speak your language with an accent. They are like you too in this sense - they won't be offended that you are not exactly like them in every whichever way... But, if you want to learn how to do something because you want to, that's cool...

Tomorrow night an authentic fancy schmancy Japanese resto is in the books...

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Impressions


Excuse my ego - but I am quite impressed by myself. But I actually am easily impressed by other people; Sometimes it is because they have something I never had: the goth kids next door impress me - they are what I never dared to be and they have in their own way set me examples. Sometimes I am impressed because people have what I have - like the nerds who are into some movie genre - they have the fierce dedication that I have for somethings.

But often what blows me away is someone who is owned by nothing (or at least a minimal) - people with wings.

I got in the plane to Japan, with a 28 page paper to read, a 20-minute talk to write. My next-seat-neighbor who happened to hear me exchange pleasantries with a colleague in French, struck up a conversation. I was like 'well this can not be too bad, I get to practice my French'. But it turned out to be much more - he used to be a journalist with Radio-Canada and had lived in several Asian countries and Australia since he was working on Asia-Pacific news for Radio-Canada, has been living in Japan for some years now and was a Québecois who had moved to Vancouver (I love Quebecois, but when it comes to mobility they are so scared to move out of Québec - so Quebecois who moved to Vancouver are already a plus, but he also said when he thinks of someday when he might retire he thinks of Vancouver). Of course now my talk and paper were not happening. Here was a big-me; well actually if I could be half as cosmopolitan as he is by the time I am his age (which I am guessing is not too much more than me), I'd consider that an accomplishment. I am so used to people asking me if I ever plan on putting down roots and lately I have thought about this from time to time. And then there was this guy, who not only did not ask me this, but also like me moved across the globe to a completely different culture to which he grew up in and lived in even more places than I did.

chaque fois que j'ai déménagé dans une nouvelle ville
he said,
je me suis dit, l'autre ville est terminée


"But you have friends there?" I asked. "Oh of course, but they are not part of that city"... hard as it was to understand, I liked the sound of it... and that night I was, for the first time, really glad that I was selling the condo in Montréal - somehow, all those memories that were created in that condo would stay with me - I didn't want some condo to own me. And I thought of Minneapolis, I thought of Kandy... the people I still keep in touch with, who are themselves not in Minneapolis or Kandy anymore... and I would love for all those people to be with me in one place... but in my mind "Minneapolis est terminée, Kandy est terminée", but the fond memories remain. The other cities were too short anyway.

And finally I was ready to let Montréal go - I might return back there one day, but now the "when I go back to Montréal" is replaced by "if I go back to Montréal"... To the Montréal friends who might be reading this, it doesn't ever mean I am throwing away our memories, quite the contrary... but Montréal can not own me.

Later some colleague commented in front of the others, "I saw you chatting away with your neighbor throughout the whole flight - who was that?" and in front of her and my bosses, I admitted that I have in my head to one day become a journalist. And the next day I was sitting in the collaboration meeting, seriously thinking of switching in to journalism and strangely it made me want to do very well here - it was going to be my last year or two in physics (I am still trying to decide if this is a sleep deprived decision or not). Like he said "I always went to a new country with a 1 year assignment, sometimes it got extended, but when I went in, it was like I just had one year to absorb this place".

And even in Vancouver, where they are not a majority, it would be Québecois who would make me feel most at home.

Everyone has a story
he said at some point referring to the potential even for small time journalists
the question is, do we have enough curiosity to find out.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Stereotypes


So this picture isn't the best, but it was two guys fixing a broken elevator and one of them was East-Asian. And of course while the other guy was fixing things, the East-Asian guy was reading the manual. Sadly, he lived very much up to the stereotype for East Asians that they can not think outside the box, just like some of my East- Asians friends from grad school (I said some... I didn't mean the South Koreans, obviously!! :) ).